My blog...a glimpse into the meanderings of my mind.

I'm still alive...

Yup....title says it all...might get back into this thing sometime...we will see...

posted by CEM @ 12:56 PM 0 comments

Maybe....

Maybe I've remembered that I post thoughts and such here...
Maybe I'm still alive...
Maybe I've changed jobs since the last post....
Maybe I've gotten new hobbies...
Maybe I've developed new friendships...
Maybe I've acquired new vehicles...
Maybe I look a little different...
Maybe....just maybe things have changed...

posted by CEM @ 11:10 PM 0 comments

Pillows and Blankets and such

Just so all you happy peoples out there who read this can know...lack of sleep messes you up. The past 2 days i've not been able to get to sleep until the early AM...this morn it was almost 7:30, and i was in bed at around 1:30. The night before wasn't quite as bad, but still was later than is healthy. The second thing is the quality of sleep has been greatly deteriorated over the past several weeks...resulting in restlessness, tossing and turning, and some very, very odd, freaky, and sometimes horrifying dreams...not to mention the fact that all this has been causing mild halucinations here and there...[SARCASM]it's great i love being awake most of the day and seeing/hearing things that aren't really there[/SARCASM]

Anywho...in case you were wondering...that's how i'm doing. Other than that, and a lack of employment, it's all mostly peachy :D

posted by CEM @ 2:35 PM 0 comments

Anybody want a peanut?

Well my fellow fans of reading what's going on...I have something interesting for you. This weekend I not only rearranged some furniture...but I also created a chair. Yes, not bought, or stole, or borrowed, or found on the side of the road, created. Using my skills in...ummm...chairish making stuff I turned ordinary household objects into a cozy litlle chair.


And now for your viewing pleasure behold **fanfare** THE CHAIR!!!


Just so you understand what's going on, these photos go in sequence from the different stages of creation...the only thing that's missing is a photo of the original uncut...barrell. Enjoy the creativity that I now call "chair"!!

posted by CEM @ 1:45 PM 2 comments

IT'S ALIIIVVVEEE!!!!

Errrmmm, actually "it's" not but I still am. I've been accused of being a slacker in regards to posting here for you happy people (thanks JESS). So I'm here letting you know that life still exists, and I still am drawing breath. With that said, I will now wish you all a late Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Holiday was good for me....got to go home and see the family...which is always good.

Anywho, I've got stuff that must be done, and you need not waste anymore time reading my ramblings...so we shall depart!

posted by CEM @ 2:10 PM 2 comments

I don't know

Over the past week I've had a lot of time to think (something bout 12 hrs alone in a car will do that...). Now I know that some of you who know me well are starting to say "uhoh" and "what now?" Thankfully none of the thinking that occured should have you worried. However, much of the thought processes have been more analytical and reflective.

I did my best to set aside all the mental gyrations, misgivings, feelings, and such that usually factor into my odd frame of thinking, and then just step outside my "life" and take a look at what's going on. I pondered where I am, how I got there, and why. I conisdered things I've done and said, the events that ultimately led up to those, and tried to determine the best course of action to remedy things that needed to be so.

I saw how I let things from my past (feelings, events, etc) dictate my future, and thus propel me back into the same feelings, etc. that I sought to avoid. I also thought over all the events in the past few months that have put me into the position that I'm now in. And how not only my actions, but also the actions of others has directed me into this spot.

All this thinking, I saw it. It all made sense. I totally understand and can follow what logic there has been in everything. I looked back and saw how little things went undealt with and pushed aside until they became major problems. I saw how each decision, no matter how minute, has in some way, shape, form or fashion affected my life and the lives of those around me. I saw all this. Some of it hurt to see, b/c I knew the pain it caused me or people close to me. Some of it I saw and would gladly do again.

Yet amid all this reflecting I came away with one central thought: "I don't know." Yes I know seems odd to say it, since I said I understood it all, but it doesn't just apply to that...

I don't know where I'd be without the people closest to me, and who have over many, many occasions (whether I noticed or knew or not) proved their concern, care and love for me.

I don't know what life would be like if I could go back and change but one or two small tiny things.

I don't know where all this is headed.

I don't know why people put up with me sometimes.

I don't know how I got this far.

I don't know...there's just so much...

No matter how much I think about it there will be mysteries--things that I completely do not and will not understand. However there is one thing I know for a fact: I am more grateful than I could ever express with word or action to those of you who have been there for me, and have done everything you could to help out. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. It has not gone unnoticed, and will not ever be forgotten.

posted by CEM @ 8:16 PM 1 comments

Do you know??

To those who feel up to the task...the following link contains something for you to do. Simply you must pick 5 words from the list that you feel best describe me. This will tell everyone who sees it a bunch of stuff. The more people who do it the better results...etc.

So now's your chance...click the link and pick those words!!

link

posted by CEM @ 4:58 PM 0 comments

An ode to calamity

Well have I played the part of a fool,
Wrapt up in selfish misery,
Knowing naught of sorrow's rule.
Too late the light of truth I see,
Where much to my chagrin,
Instead of being lovely,
All turned rotten within.

Alas, tis true. Oh too often we see the problems we've been sowing only when the first fruits come to harvest. I would give all my earthly possesions, sacrifice my very limbs if I could but undo this hurt I've brought to those dear to me. The error of looking always at self is only noticed when you run face-first into your mirror which those who love you have attempted to move from your path. And then not only have you been hurt, but those who care about you are hurt as well. It is only then do you see that the pain you caused yourself pales in comparison to the hurt you endure knowing you've hurt someone dear.

As I emerge from the remnants
of shattered, broken self-pity,
I see reflected in the fragments
A baser shade of me.
As I beg of those I injured
Forgiveness.
I feel the pain they've endured.

Words fail as I seek to express my sorrow. Never has pain been so great as when you helplessly watch yourself hurt a friend. A thousand apologies given for a thousand days I fear would ne'er suffice to mend such a hurt. And yet I, I have done this...I have done it without knowing what it was I did...without knowing until the hurt had been done. All the treasures of the world would be too little a price to pay for a chance at forgiveness.

Like the phoenix from ashes,
So must I rise from this folly.
The phoenix burns anew like torches,
Yet I am not made fresh from this folly.
In time wounds must heal,
Scars will attest to the folly
Yet the pain will be remembered as real.

posted by CEM @ 8:56 AM 0 comments